Ramy

can we just pray together?

yes. mexicans can go to heaven

masr um el dunya… and it always will be. but america is what I need right now. you’ll see, baba. inshallah.

do not go to a magic show. david blaine is straight up jinn.

pray two rakat for Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

the shower keeps getting clogged. my feet are just sitting in a puddle of my sweaty body water… you ever feel that? like, you took a shower, but you feel like you still gotta wash your feet?

have you clicked on me?

he told you about little Omar! stop acting like you didn’t know. now you gotta explain this dog to your parents?? it’s haraam. you’re just… haraam.

i’m starting to think those guys at Verizon had a point.

bro… you want real love? commit to the right person. take the bay’ah.

Give in, Ramy. Surrender. Stop overthinking things. Sure, it’s a bit unconventional, but you gotta follow your heart. No matter where it leads. Who knows, you might even find some happiness. Inshallah.

ramy min amreeka! iz3yak ya bro! 3amel eh? wa7eshni awi ya brence, wallahi. so pumped ur comin bro. didn’t seen u since we were 8!! a5bar new york eh basha?? and enta landing when? tell me all the flight infozzz, i’ll be there – whatsapp me habibi.

You need to start getting right with Allah. All you do is focus on yourself… why don’t you do something for someone else? Help Steve. And no, not just because he’s in a wheelchair.

Ramy, habibi, it’s Mom. Why don’t you call back? You don’t text, you don’t answer, you don’t even check this voicemail… astaghfirullah… call me. I just want to know you are ok. I made Koshary. Ok, bye.

Dena, stop trying to soul search like your brother. How are you gonna find yourself if you have to be home by 10? By the way, has anyone seen Ramy lately?

Time for a spiritual cleanse. Get this month right, and you’ll have it all figured out. Fast properly, read your Quran, no sex, no porn… bro, close the MacBook! No porn. Just do the Ramadan. Do it for God. Do it for Shawn’s mom.

Everyone’s suspicious, man. Maybe your family was in on it, maybe not. Just lay low, and don’t draw attention to yourself. It’ll all die down… maybe. Just don’t ask how these strawberries got here.

So let me get this straight— you don’t do drugs, but you’ll have sex with women you’re not married to…? That’s not nuanced, you’re a hypocrite.

You dropped out of med school to do what? Dude, the app is called “Snack Swipe.” Never gonna work. Just go work for your Uncle… let him teach you how to be a real man.

You know why you’re so confused all the time? You don’t wash between your toes. It’s that simple.